A compassionate response to shame

Shame is a punishing emotion, it pushes us deeper into ourselves, and separates us from others. It tells us we are not good, we don't belong, we are not worthy.

Sometimes we hold on to shame in the hope it will keep us on the straight and narrow, and not behave badly.

Silence perpetuates shame, it bars the possibility of compassion and forgiveness.

When we are deep in shame we can feel we are not worthy of compassion, but who is more worthy of compassion than someone who is feeling the deep misery of shame?

• If you are feeling shame over something, bring awareness to where you feel it in your body. It might be in the chest, or the stomach, or the throat? Everyone is different, so close your eyes and feel where it is for you.

• Place a hand where the shame is - feel the comfort and warmth of the hand.

• Breathe slowly and deeply.

• Offer yourself some compassionate words - sometimes the shame gets in the way of finding compassionate words for ourselves, so a good tip is to imagine what you would say to a friend or other loved one. What kindness and reassurance would you offer them? - Say the same words to yourself.

• Imagine the space where the shame lives in the body softening and easing with each breath.

Practice this whenever you feel shame, sometimes you will feel a release, others not so much, but keep going as practice will form new neural pathways in the brain over time, loosening the grip of shame in your life.